Never.Lose.Hope

It was an exceptionally hot and humid Sunday evening when I stepped onto my mat for some self-practice. As I sat in Sukhasana with hands in Jnana Mudra, I softly closed my eyes and tried to shut out any form of distractions.... both externally as well as internally.  As always, it wasn't easy.  Sweat was already trickling down my forehead before I even landed on an affirmation for my practice, and as my door was open, my cat wandered in, plonked himself down next to me, and I could hear deep purring as he settled down for Savasana.

As my Ujjayi breathing got into a rhythmic pattern, my mind settled on a single word.  'FEAR'.  Fear (Bhaya, in Sanskrit) rears its ugly head into my practice all the time.  Sometimes, it's in a form of 'in-your-face-sticking-its-tongue-out' fear, but mostly it partners with its best friend, the Ego (Ahamkara).  For example, if I can stay comfortably in an inversion, albeit with the comfort of the wall behind me, then why can't I bring myself to practice the asana in the middle of the room?  Have I already forgotten the stern warnings I had from my Master in India, when I pulled my mat to the wall when we were to practise Sirsasana?  I mean, come on, will I really hurt myself if I fall down from doing a Handstand in the centre of the room.... or is it the ego that will be bruised if I do fall?

Fear is illusory.  On its own, it cannot survive.  Feed it, succumb to it, and one will be helplessly drawn into the perilous waves of Samsara.

So with these thoughts racing through my head, I landed on an affirmation for the day's practice.

"Today, I will face the fear, and do it anyway.  Every challenge I face is an opportunity to learn, grow and improve".

After a good hour into my practice, I proceeded to inversions.  For the past few months now, I've been trying to practise changing hand positions from Sirsasana to Tripod Headstand, without falling down.  The switcheroo didn't come easy for me, and I've bruised my cheek, bumped my knee, stubbed my toe, and pulled a muscle in the neck, trying to get it right.  And out of frustration, I pulled my mat against the wall and haplessly allowed myself to crawl back into my comfort zone, while trying to get the 'asana right'.

But today would be different.  Today I will face Fear, and it will be my turn to stick my tongue out and tell the Ego to bugger off.

So, did I fall down while attempting the switcheroo?  You betcha!  

But did I give up?  Nope.

Sometimes, the only way to stay up, is to fall down, over and over and over again.

Love, Light, Peace and Hope.

xx